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Sunday

"I've Got A Brand New Girlfriend!"

Many guys would gladly kill to be able to say that. Others would gladly kill their CURRENT girlfriend, even without being able to say that! :P Seriously, though, the “brand” of girlfriend you can say “I got”, new or old, is more a function of what you radiate to the world than whatever skills you may have acquired naturally or otherwise. There are plenty of guys who can get the ONS (One Night Stand), but can’t get her to stay for coffee in the morning (or stick around and drink it at her place).

I firmly believe you need to follow a simple (but not easy), two-step process to get this part of your life managed:
  1. Get your head screwed on straight
  2. It’s YOUR reality – own it
The first part is often referred to as Inner Game, like THE INNER GAME OF TENNIS. Like tennis, this involves balls, too. You have to be able to take a serious, unflinching look at yourself and compare what you’ve believed and learned with what is proven fact. For example, if you believe you must do things to make women like you, you’re headed in the wrong direction. You can’t “make” anyone like you by bribery, flattery, “selfless” acts, or any of the other ways guys try to get affection. It’s called supplication, which is a form of begging. What women are truly attracted to is not guys who beg for it, but those who actually seem indifferent to it.

Now for a reality check – yours. Keep in mind, guys who make the above mistake also tend to let the girl control the interaction, from start to finish. In other words, the woman’s reality is more important. Again, that’s wrong-headed. First of all, if she’s even passably good looking, she’s had many guys approach her. That makes her an expert on screening out those she doesn’t want. The better looking she is, the more likely it is she’s got a permanent “bitch-shield” up. No, she’s not really a bitch, but she’s developed a habit of acting like one to defend herself. If YOUR reality is weaker than her shield, you’re done before you even start.

Take control of the one thing you have ABSOLUTE control over – your attitude. No matter what happens to you in your life, your attitude is the one thing no one can affect UNLESS YOU LET THEM. It is beyond the scope of this little work to tell you all the ways you can do this. For one thing, no two guys have the same problem with attitude control. For another, what works for one guy won’t make a dent in another guy’s problem.

I can tell you one way to deal with a girl behind “the shield”. Give her a cynical look and say, “You remind me of my sister – when she was about 12 and going through her really BRATTY phase!” Then spend the rest of the interaction calling her “Bratty Pants” until she relents. The important thing here is to avoid being outcome-dependent. You actually shouldn’t care if a given female likes you or not. So feel free to bust on her like she’s a friend with an attitude problem. That’s what you do with your friends, right? Why should she be any different? She isn’t, in reality. At least, she shouldn’t be, in YOUR reality.

It should begin to dawn on you, right about now, that letting her carry her weight in the whole interaction is probably the nicest challenge she's had in a long time. Too many guys make it too easy for her. Too easy means they never contradict, never call her on any BS behavior, never do anything that might "upset" her. Be different. Upset her from the start and get it over with! You'll have the added benefit of shaking her out of whatever state she was in, which just might have been absorbing her attention. Remember, it's YOUR reality. She now needs to pay attention to you!

Once you’ve begun to change this dynamic in your life, you’ll find that sooner, rather than later, you’ll be saying “I've got a brand new girlfriend, and she’s lucky to have me!”